The Evolving Role of Fathers: Ricky Bee

Shifting the Spotlight

For the spring issue of Bubulander, we shift the sunrays to fathers, in particular Ricky Banzali, a dad turned social media phenomenon famous for... well, being a parent. We engaged in a discussion about the unique roles of fathers and mothers in parenting, while Ricky emphasized the importance of fathers providing security and emotional support, acknowledging that mothers often bear a disproportionate burden.

“We touched upon societal expectations and the need for greater father involvement and importance of shared responsibility. It’s not just about the fun moments with your baby, when they’re giggling and playing during the day. It’s about being there during the tough times, like when the baby is crying in the middle of the night. Those shared experiences can truly bond a couple.”

Beyond the Bare Minimum

“We could say we're changing the role of fathers, but I think the bar is still really low,” he noted. “People make such a fuss about dads doing the bare minimum, like helping out for a day or taking the kids on a date. That’s not enough. Being a parent isn’t something you clock in and out of. It’s a constant commitment.”

Personal Transformation Through Parenthood

Reflecting on the evolution of his own role as a father, Ricky shared the personal transformation he experienced.

“Becoming a father made me shift from a self-centred perspective to one of deep selflessness. I’m more committed to my children than I ever was to myself. The experience of parenting has been transformative, and it’s about finding balance and mutual support.”

A New Generation of Parents

Times are changing and we are a completely new generation of parents. What do you do differently than your parents?

“I think something that is different to other generations is that we try really to value time and experiences with our children. For instance, my daughter might remember the time we spent at the beach eating sand together more than any lavish trip to Disneyland. It’s those small moments of connection, that now we know, matter most.”

What Do Fathers Bring?

What do you think fathers bring to the table that mothers don’t? What’s your unique role in parenting?

“This is a tricky question for me because I was raised by a single mother who really was both my father and mother. She completely raised me on her own. So, it feels almost against my nature to think that I could offer something that a mother couldn’t. My mom was everything to me. But I do believe that fathers bring a certain energy to parenting that’s different.

“One thing I often say about my kids, this isn't meant to sound arbitrary, it’s just what I believe in my heart, is that there are things I can do for my children that are unique to me, particularly as a father.”

For My Daughter

“For my daughter, I can’t pretend to know what it’s like to be a little girl. I’ve never experienced what it’s like to have a good father or a bad one because I didn’t have that experience growing up. But I do know what it’s like to need someone who isn’t you. Sometimes, as a father, I provide that sense of detachment. It’s not necessarily about understanding everything, but being there as someone who offers a different perspective.

“It’s a choice I make, whether to be judgmental or to offer empathy because I don’t know what it’s like to be her. And I choose to be empathetic. 

Fathers, in my opinion, have the ability to bring a different kind of empathy to their daughters. But, of course, this is a conscious choice. Some fathers may not bring empathy, but I try my best to offer it because I don’t know what it’s like to walk in her shoes.”

For My Son

“For my son, it’s different because I do know what it’s like to be a little boy. I know what they need. I also understand what it’s like not to have a father. So, I can relate to my son in a way that’s really important during those formative years.

“As a boy, there are moments during puberty and growing up that often get overlooked, things that might be hard to talk about or even figure out.

“And let’s be real: the world my son is growing up in is a different one than the one I did. There are these influences, like figures in pop culture, telling young men what it means to be a man. There’s often this idea that to be a man, you have to reject certain things, or suppress your feelings.

“I know firsthand how complex that can be, and I try to be there for my son through those moments. I want to be able to provide him with a balance, someone who can help him navigate that stage of life and show him that you can be both fierce and soft. I’m a fiercely confrontational person when I need to be, but I also have a lot of love for my family and children. I wear many hats with ease, and I want to show him that he can do the same as he grows.”

Defining Modern Masculinity

What is modern masculinity for you?

Ricky emphasizes emotional intelligence, empathy, and deliberate action as key aspects. It’s incredibly important that fathers actively participate in all aspects of childcare and challenge traditional gender roles.

“I think that you can bring masculine energy by being something that's steady. I think that you know, like, a buoy in an ocean, something that rocks with the waves but never moves.”

Ricky’s Tips for Parents

“Never say never.

“When Rachel was pregnant, I often thought, ‘They will never watch TV, never eat a processed meal,’ and so on. Now I think that’s hilarious because you just don't know what you don't know.”

“The best advice I could give you as a father is that there's nothing that's unique to you in the sense that you’re exempt from responsibility. You're just a parent. Don’t think that your role is so unique that it cancels you out from anything.

“If anything, the uniqueness of your role is an addition to. So, I do everything because I'm your parent. In addition to that, I hope I could teach you to be strong because I'm your father.”

On Being a Dad… Online

Finally, we briefly touched upon how Ricky’s social media presence is affecting the family scene:

“Trust me, I don't mean this in an arrogant way, but there is a lot of good that has come from my page. I’ve found that my outlook on fatherhood has resonated with many people. Some dads look at me and don’t expect that I want to be the primary caregiver, and if my partner ever lapses, I would continue doing my part without hesitation.”