It Takes a Village to Raise a Child

But First, We Must Care for the Parent

We often repeat the phrase “It takes a village to raise a child” as a reminder that parenting is a shared effort. But in today’s world,

the village isn’t just for the child, it’s for the parent too.

Because one of the most powerful things we can do for a child is help the adults raising them feel safe, supported, and healed.

Psychologist Erik Erikson’s theory of development reminds us that early childhood depends on trust, stability, and emotional connection. But how can a parent offer those things if they never received them? When adults carry unresolved trauma, it quietly shapes how they relate to their children. Anger, emotional distance, overprotection, these are often echoes of a wound that hasn’t been acknowledged.

Dr. Gabor Maté, a renowned expert on trauma, writes that “children don’t get traumatized because they’re hurt. They get traumatized because they’re alone with the hurt.” The same applies to parents. Unhealed pain doesn’t stay tucked away, it surfaces in moments of stress, often passed on in subtle ways. This isn’t about blame. It’s about recognizing that

healing is an essential part of parenting, not an optional one.

When parents begin to heal, whether through therapy, community support, or even quiet self-reflection, they become more emotionally present. They respond instead of react. They can tolerate their child’s big feelings because they’ve made space for their own.

But healing doesn’t happen in isolation. Just as a child needs a nurturing environment to grow, a parent needs a village to feel seen and supported. A friend who listens, a support group, a mental health professional, or even a neighbour who offers encouragement, these are small but powerful pieces of that village.

So yes, it takes a village to raise a child. But it also takes that village to help parents heal, grow, and show up with love. Because raising children isn’t just about what we do, it’s about who we’re becoming along the way

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Aneree Parekh
Psychotherapist & Founder
Pravaah Counselling and Psychotherapy